The Last Hurdle

The last hurdle is the hardest.

That 30 minutes of trying to get all kids in bed.

The last 2 minutes of waiting for that oven to ding.

The last miles on that 10k run

And for me, the last 60 days (hopefully) of being in Chi-land.

I am miserable. Loneliness has never crept so loud. My whole body is achy for home - and I know that my brother probably felt worse. I cried way too often for things that are not important.

I was stalking myself last night on my instagram, and I realise how fast time actually flies! I remember the ribs I cooked for the boys during Christmas, my run on New Year's day, and Andrew's extra long hospital stay due to GVHD.

But dear Jesus almighty, this 60 days is longer than ever!!! 

I realise my prayer has shifted from "let Your will be done" to "please Jesus please let this be over soon" (I am just a human being people). This last days required more grace than I can afford, but God abounds more and more.

So my little shrink brain start scrutinising the "why" behind my frustration - and of course I figured out why!!!

I was living the finish line instead of cherishing today. Yes, yes, home will be glorious. I am so looking forward to be hugged again (my love language is physical touch and Andrew's is quality time, go figure) and eating my favourites Indo food. Oh yeah baby....

And then on June I get to hug the one person that are very close to my heart! 

But today is not May, nor June. Today is the day that I get to finish my chores, writing on my journal and inhaling books. Today is the season of waiting and being faithful and I need to be okay with that.  Today is the season where I am clinging dearly on His grace because everything in which I derived my self-worth from has been taken away - and its okay; because He loves me for who I am and not what I do.

So now I am kicking myself in the b*tt not to let today go wasted.

Auds xx