Along the my news feed I found a “new” topic that spark something in my heart: singleness. Yes I have been single for a long time and I can feel the “awww you poor thing” in people’s eyes when I said that I am actually quite happy.
As if I am in denial.
Growing up in a dysfunctional family, I have seen bad things. Tears, fights, and prides being torn or misused as weapons. I have heard things I shouldn’t have.
When I was 16 years old, after testifying in court for my parents’ divorce, I said: I do not want to get married.
In my experience, marriage hurts. Loving people hurts. And when two people are hurting, there’s collateral damage that needs to be cleaned up (kids/finance/house).
Yes, grace heals. Through time and a lot of tears and forgiveness - toward myself and others - I have come toward a better term: I would rather not marry, than marry wrong.
My heart doesn’t hurt anymore, but it still very tender. Like a deep scar that still stung during a cold winter night. But all in all I am quite whole and free.
Jesus has made me whole.
Shackled by a heavy burden
'Neath a load of guilt and shame
Then the hand of Jesus touched me
And now I am no longer the same
He touched me, Oh, He touched me
And Oh the joy that floods my soul
Something happened and now I know
He touched me and made me whole
Since I met this blessed Savior
And since he cleaned and made me whole
I never cease to praise Him
I'll shout it while eternity rolls
- Bill Gaither-
And for that I am happy. Truly happy. I am content with being me -the “me” I have in Jesus.
The problem with singleness and marriage (and while we are at it lets throw parenthood in) is that we often think one to be of a higher standard then the other. It’s not.
Singleness is hard. The constant pressure from society. Occasional loneliness (yes, believe it or not we are not lonely ALL the time). Education. Work. Health. Staying pure. Negative thoughts and lies in our heads.
Marriage is hard. The fights. The often absence of ‘me’ time. Splitting chores. Responsibilities. Staying faithful. Negative thoughts and lies in our heads.
Parenthood is hard. Snotty noses and sneezing. Piles of dirty laundries (and clean, unfolded ones). Making time for your partner. Watching your kids sick and hurting. School tuition. School holidays. Negative thoughts and lies in our heads.
They are different, yes; but not as a hierarchy. Each require a different kind of grace. Grace to be strong, to be kind, to maintain a soft heart, to love people and ourselves and to stay on the path that God has given us.
Seasons are not there to be compared. Seasons are meant to be lived fully, to grow us and to teach us how fragile human life is; and that our life is not meant to be focused on ourselves but on Jesus.
If we are single, may we bring glory to God.
If we are married, may we bring glory to God.
If we are parents, may we bring glory to God.
Different seasons, different kinds of grace, one constant Saviour: Jesus.
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